To Be a Working Mom or To Be a Stay at Home Mom

 

My husband came home last night and wanted to have a talk about budgeting for the baby prior to us taking the actual Budget for Baby class we're registered for next week. He wanted one of me working and me not working. Easy enough for me to provide to him as I had already done so a while back.... He had a conversation earlier that day with a buddy of his about his family's life since the birth of their child and his wife being a stay-at-home-mom now, after having been employed before and during pregnancy.... I'm not too clear on what their situation is or was and/or what "type" of employment she had, for how long, or even her work history to even try and make an attempt to compare our situation with theirs though. But the hubby seemed a bit excited to discuss it. During his explanation, at first, it seemed he was leaning toward me to continuing work after the birth of our son. A little more into the conversation I had to stop him and ask him if he was wanting me to stay home or still work, you know, to get to the main point/topic of the conversation, his response was stay home....... This took me aback a bit. I had been thinking about both possibilities, but have been leaning more toward getting back to work as soon as possible after the birth.  But my husband seems quiet certain that me staying home would be the most beneficial action to take for our family as a whole..... He named a few of the benefits, being able to raise our children and be there for them (not paying someone else to do so), having the opportunity to not be so stressed and go-go-go all the time, being able to take longer vacation times to see and visit family, and dive in more to my schooling. In reality, I would be working half a month strictly to pay for full time child care for baby and after school care for our school age son. Based off of both of our income it is over $1,100 a month (to include disposable diapers{since they won't do cloth diapers}, wipes, food, etc). And during the summer it would be even more because our oldest son would be in full time care/summer camp also. I responded back that  me working helps keep my sanity, being able to be personable and have adult conversations in person is something I need. Then there's the fact that I have been working for 13 years. Even when I first had my 7yr old, I was blessed with a work from home job for 2 1/2 years that paid great and I was able to work when I wanted in between naps with baby and outings to friends and family's houses. I have always had some sort of employment; part-time, full-time or both at the same time. So thinking about me not working on purpose is a whole lot of frightening to me... I am thankful to have the choice as to what to do though. I just didn't know it would be such a hard decision to make.

 
My mom stayed at home most of my brother's and my childhood and during our breaks we would have numerous trips to the beach, theme parks, the river, locations to go dirt bike riding, lakes, and so on and she would be able to make it to almost all of our performances. All things that I have felt guilty about not being able to do with/for Jake. Guilt is the word that I think best describes it. Guilty for not having enough time for him, guilty for always being in a rush after work to get his school work done, eat, sports practice, shower, then bed. Guilt for the days I come home completely exhausted and half-assing nightly routines or becoming more than easily irritable by him. Guilty for him asking me for years to just stay home with him.... Even though it was no where near an option before. But at the same time I am stuck not knowing how I would react and deal with being a SAHM. Yes, I can go on and on about being more involved in our oldest son's school, being present for every milestone our baby will have, being able to get things done throughout the house and make more diverse yummy meals, being able to do things and go places during breaks, practice my photography more, finish school a lot faster, etc.... But how would I be financially providing for our household? How would I be as a mother who is with the kids ALL THE TIME? How long would it be for?

The husband sees our daily lives as a rush through, constantly on the go, constantly a strain, and not enough enjoyment, and he's said how he'd rather not have that rush feeling once the baby is here. I wonder if he sees it as being a Leave it to Beaver episode or Stepford Wives type of life style when he thinks about how it could be..... I know he is only trying to do and go forward with what he sees is best for the family, for us individually and for the kids, but I think I am a lot more skeptical about it all.

I enjoy the work I currently do about 90% of the time and I get along well with all my co-workers. I love being able to help our soon to be veteran's and military spouses and I'm good at what I do. And I am working hard toward earning another promotion later this year. It is not my ideal job though. Dream job would be something in investigations or photography or both. But I know what I do helps those that I work with find employment after serving our country and that feeling of accomplishment is very rewarding.

My dad has always said write a Pro's and Con's list to any difficult decision.... There are more Pro's for the family in the matter of staying home..... Not to be selfish but personally, right now, I feel there are more Con's for me as a mother and wife to stay home. Buuuuuut I still do not know. I guess I will see how being a SAHM is during maternity leave. 

Articles I have read Stay at Home vs. Working Mothers

http://stayathomemoms.about.com/od/becomeastayathomemom/a/fromwahmtosahm.htm

http://www.workingmother.com/blogs/confessions-pajama-mama/stay-home-mom-vs-working-mom-vs-work-home-mom

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/15/study-working-moms-are-ha_n_1152202.html

http://www.webmd.com/baby/features/hard-choice-for-moms-work-stay-home

http://www.workingmother.com/research-institute/what-moms-choose-working-mother-report

http://www.workingmother.com/blogs/powermom/resolutions-working-and-stay-home-moms

Maternity Leave

http://pregnancy.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Statutory_Maternity_Leave_Entitlements


Returning to work after Maternity Leave

http://pregnancy.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Maternity_Leave_Return_to_Work?bcsi_scan_8D0E087B2ACD4119=veyXRs9HNAQwUfZvYjWZCbeivvJlAAAAJYbyfA==:1