17 November 2011

Love Don't Run

I have heard this song many times on the radio but last night I was able to hear it live at the concert I went to with our 7 year old son. (His first concert ever! Besides Rascal Flats and Brooks and Dunn when I was 7 months preggers with him) :) We enjoyed it quiet a bit and he enjoyed running to the front dancing and taking pictures. Might have a little concert goer with me yet. :) (other than the fact that an hour after bed time it was time to go for both of us).

Back to the song, when he sang this it brought back a few good and not so good memories. Music tends to do that, I'm sure that's a fact for most of us. However, the memory that replays most in my mind is with my husband, I'm glad that he stuck with me when we were dating and I was going through some rough patches of complete and utter independence/not wanting much to do with him as I feared it not working and my son and I being left in the rear view mirror again. While my fears were rational my lack of trust was not, as he was nothing like the ones that brought on my trust issues, yet that trust took longer to gain.... And everyday he continued to hold on and prove that he would never let go. This is what I am most thankful for when it comes to our relationship and, now, marriage. <3


This is gonna hurt, this is gonna hurt like hell
This is gonna damn near kill me, sometimes the truth ain't easy
I know that you’re scared of telling me something
I don’t wanna hear, but baby believe that
I’m not leaving, you couldn’t give me one good reason

Love don’t run, love don’t hide
It won't turn away or back down from a fight
Baby I’m right here and I ain't going anywhere
Love’s too tough it wont give up no not on us
Baby Love don’t run

Let’s lay it on the line, I don’t care if it takes all night cause
This is gonna make us stronger, it’s gonna make forever longer
I know it’d be easier walking away but what we got is real
And I wanna save us, baby we can do it, Baby we’ll get through it 'cause...

Love don’t run, love don’t hide
It won't turn away or back down from a fight
Baby I’m right here and I ain't going anywhere
Love’s too tough, it wont give up no not on us
Baby Love don’t run
Baby love don’t run

So come over here and lay down in my arms
Baby tell me everything that’s on your heart, 'cause...

I won’t run, and I won’t hide
I won’t turn away, I just wanna make things right
Baby I’m right here and I ain't going anywhere
Love’s too tough it won’t give up no not on us
Baby Love don’t run
Baby Love don’t run

01 November 2011


(This says it all perfectly)

It seems that shortly after he left parts of the house has said to hell with me, the cars, the dogs, and at points the man-child. Yesterday was the last straw and I broke down into tears. It doesn't help being pregnant, emotional, sick, stressed, and just downright tired. My motto with him and dealing with literally everything has been "I got this". Yesterday, I had it but felt like it was always something coming up each and every darn week. Ok while looking back it really wasn't thaaaaaaaat big of a deal but so many things boiled up that I broke. Here is just yesterday alone: Woke up with more tissue on the floor than I had recalled using the night before, hard night of little sleep, but got up early and baked the pumpkin pie. Got Jake and myself ready. rushed out the door "almost" forgetting the pie, rushed back in and got it, dropped our boy off at school, and while going to work had the engine light come on (no biggie, needs oil change and tune up) followed by the tire light (damn......) (Mind you this happened last week in my truck and turned out to be a punctured tire). Well no time to deal with it, rush into work. Go check the tires, they all seem good, (maybe it was just the dramatic change in weather over the weekend). Drive to my buddy's work to get my comp from him, drive back to work, park, annnnnnnd...... The damn key won’t come out of the ignition. Push, pull, make sure it's in park, nothing. FFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!! Go upstairs to my office explain the situation and take it to the hobby shop on base. One of the guys that I have worked with before with our work vehicles comes out and fixes it in minutes. (Instert more tears) Turns out the hubby's unknown strength and breaking part of his center console became wedged and wasn't allowing it to hit the sensor in park to release the keys. UGGG! Thank the mechanic and go to leave. Use all my strength to basically break it more to get the shifter to move and drive straight home. Slam it in park, lock the doors and grab my truck. D-U-N with the Jeep. Go back to work, get off work and pick up Jake. Go home to an awfully warm house..... WTF?!?! I left the oven ON all day!!!! Thank the Good Lord nothing bad happened! Scold myself for being so darn forgetful, make Jake a quick dinner, get him dressed and ready and then off we go with his buddy and mommy and baby brother to go Trick or Treating. That was actually calming. :) Home, Jake counted his candy, shower and scooted him off to bed. Watched my TiVo'd Homeland and then off to bed with myself. Yea, about summed it up. Good part during the day was the hubby called and I got to tell him how his Jeep is going off a cliff and we are getting him a new vehicle, of his choice, next year (no arguments there and he's pretty excited about it). LOL Woooooooo weeeeee. So far while he's been gone: master bathroom turned into an indoor pool (hot water line under the sink came off in the middle of the night) and soaked through carpeting and the cement foundation which caused me to have to move furniture and tear out all the carpet padding underneath, dishwasher took a major dump and had to have that replaced, truck tire was punctured by some "road hazard", Jake started talking back a lot more at school (that has finally been nipped in the butt), one of the bills under his name is wrong and I can't change it without him, me coming down with strep throat (really, haven't had that in at least a decade or more!), Jake and I both being sick, then there is general maintenance, doctor's appointments etc etc. I look back and wonder how I did it all before him? LOL Weird how easily I fell right into a routine with us, and I'll say this, it sucks having that gone right now. I miss him in more ways than one. :p

Ok so, I would like to state that I am not complaining about it all I am just saying how crazy it all was and has been/continues to be and what topped everything off with a tearful, pregnancy induced emotional breakdown. :p I am glad that since he can't be here he at least gives me a whole lot of emotional support and makes me crack up laughing with some of the things he sees and experiences. :) Yes it could always be worse! I am definitely looking forward to him coming home!!! Less than 50 days, YAY!!!

25 October 2011

When mommy is sick.... The world as we know it ends.

I am one of those girls that can catch a bug at the drop of a hat. You would think having worked with children before my immune system would be All Mighty and Powerful, I wish. And now with being prego my body is working full throttle with very small rubber pads for brakes. While being sick (and hubby deployed) I am left as the go to fun person in the house, my work still needs to be attended to (even though they send me home because I look and sound awful), house cleanings still need to take place (even more so with germs being spread throughout), and REST needs to take place (easier said than done). The second I stat feeling the slightest bit better I'm up and running full sprint, only to have an absolute total cataclysmic disaster of fever, chills, nose and eyes running/watering seconds after I took off to complete one of a hundred taskers on my daily to-do list.
Weekend sickness is by far the worse. Mommy play with me, mommy, I want to go out and play, mommy, mommy, mommy.... All the while I am stuffing tissues up my nostrils to prevent any leakage while trying to prepare something quick, easy and edible for the man-child to eat. So I take him out and run a few errands at the same time and then pay for it dearly with lack of sleep due to not being able to breathe. The cycle starts again Sunday. Monday comes and it is off to school and off to work for me, finish up the major taskers for classes, update the database and excuse myself to my warm comfy bed. Toss and turn, sweat, go through an entire tissue box, be woken up by the plumber who I'd forgotten was coming to install the new dishwasher, lay on couch while installation takes place, pick up man-child from day-care, come home and realize I should clean my bedding, feed and get the boy to bed, and wait for bedding to to dry..... Put it on, stuff tissue up one nostril and attempt to sleep. Tuesday (today) wake up with another large pile of well used tissues on the floor beside the bed, get Jake up for school only to hear sneezing, coughing and see that look of sunken eyes and pale face. No school for the sick boy, no work for the sick mommy. We enjoyed a cup of warm tea together, gave him some meds, went over his math problems and reading book, and he laid himself down to relax. But like mommy, the second he started feeling better he's asking to go do this and that, and that and this.... LOL. That lasted all about an hour until he started sneezing more. Now he's relaxing again, as I should be, and as I will be here as soon as I get him fed.

Baby B is doing well. I was able to listen to it's heart beat (153) on Friday when they told me I have strep throat.... If it is not one thing it is another. Yet each of the battles are always overcome and am so thankful that I still get to hear from my hubby as often as I do during his deployment. Less than 60 days and he "should" be home! Crossing my fingers and coming up with different ideas for a Welcome Home sign for little man and I to make here at home :))

28 September 2011

Married with child & ONE on the way!

It has been 26 days since we said I do along the Carolina shoreline..... An amazing, wonderful, fast paced day. My father made it in around 11pm the night before from California, the most special portion of the ceremony a young woman could ask for is to have her father give her away. An experience I never had previously. Tears of joy filled my eyes as I walked barefoot down the sandy path; it took all I had to not let the tears pour out. Standing there staring into my soon to be husbands eyes, surrounded by our family and friends, (my mother on video conference attending from California), everything came together so perfectly.... Our special sand ceremony that included our 7 year old son, joining us all together as a family, was a unique addition to our ceremony that was special for just the three of us. Alex's parents providing us with a lovely spiritual blessing that again brought more tears to my eyes.

And once the ceremony was over, pictures galore (aside from the ceremony) went underway along with a race to ocean! :)
It was wonderful to be there for my dad's first time ever in the Atlantic ocean too and him coming together with a long lost friend that he hadn't seen since I was only months old!! :) SO much happiness, meetings of extended family, spending time with friends and family, and our little man thoroughly enjoying himself with the water, sand dunes, and coming up with different ideas of photographs (if he can't take the pictures he'll direct which way he wants to be photographed, lol).

After this we made our way to a local diner that is one of my all time favs out here, Chef's 105. Dinner was beyond yummy and desert was amazing!!! A little bit of wine was consumed, less than a half glass, and then soda was added to my glass so I didn't feel left out... LOL. :)

(2 weeks before the wedding we found out we were expecting Baby B, my biggest fear was not fitting into the absolutely gorgeous dress that I had just bought that fit perfectly right off the rack!) :) But as the good Lord would have it, everything went smoothly, and the dress was unzipped after dinner on the way to the hotel. lol :) Fortunately enough I have only gained 2 pounds... However, the expanding process (bloating and swelling) of the chest area and a little bit of the tummy area has become further pronounced at 11 1/2 weeks more so than they did when I was prego with Jake. Testing’s have gone well, and having to inject myself with a blood thinner daily has been a little easier than I thought it would be, with the wonderful help of ice of course. Now it is just a manner of not cutting myself or running into things (obtaining bruises). Mother of a 7 year old boy and owner of two large dogs, with a hubby who is deploying..... This part will be most challenging. Wrap myself in bubble wrap... lol. Doubt my employer would be too impressed with that and our son would enjoy that too much, finding different ways to pop as many at one time... So it will have to be a continuation of practice on my ninja skills. :))


Well, was side tracked a bit there, that does tend to happen often with me, as you may have already noticed. Sooooo, the wedding and dinner after was amazing. The following afternoon the 3 1/2 of us and Alex's family headed out to a location that we had all never been to before. Asheville. Visited the Biltmore Estate, which was pretty but so very hot indoors with so many people.




After, we all caught our breath and refueled at Panera Bread, one of Alex's and now Jacob's favorite places to eat! From there off we went to Sliding Rock! Can you say cold?!? How cold? ICE COLD!!! But so much fun, daddy went with Jake twice and I did also..... Jake would have stayed and kept doing so until it was too dark to see had we not told him we were going to the waterfall next. :) Even that was freezing... I stayed back and practiced my photography skills, which I'm better at with nature shots because nature doesn't move, than with people who twitch, blink, or just move in general!  :) FUN FUN!!!! It was great spending time with my and Jacob's new family members. The following morning, we drove home in the pouring rain...



Since then it has been a whirlwind month. Jacob's 7th birthday, his party with friends and family, work, Alex getting ready to leave, Alex being told he's leaving the week before he deploys for "special work" out of country and returning for a couple days before leaving for months, more work, doctor's visits to hear the baby's heart beat and have ultrasounds done (including an ER visit that I could punch the lady in the face for what she "decided" the issue was), cleaning house, homework with the man-child, figuring out finances to have everything paid off (but the house and 2 cars) before April next year, getting the to-do-list together for the Chevelle, finishing a few more items on the house to-do-list.... If it were not for lists, our lives would be in uproar! 

Now to try and finish up a few more "chores" before the hubby comes home in 2 days so we can go out and have fun this last weekend together for the next few months!!! :))))

23 September 2011

What's In A Name?

So many names to choose from for both boys and girls.... We know for sure if we have a boy his first name will be Micheal, Alex's middle name. Still deciding on middle name(s). I'm fond of Michael Richard Raymond Butta. Has both of our father's names in there... Long, I know, but it's a work in progress. :) Now for a girl..... OY! No impact no idea.... :-/ For years I've been drawn to the names Anatolia and Renee. Now with more time to think about it there are several more names I like.... Alexis, Alyssa, Alina, Alexandria, Cherish, Jessica, Kylie, Kaitlynn, Kaitlin, Larissa, Mackenzie, Skylar, Sophia, Vanessa.... Those are the ones from the top of my head that I can think of.... I'm sure if I flip through a few baby name books I'll be adding to the list over time.... The girl name topic has not been discussed yet in our house and with him leaving next week it will probably wait until his return at the end of the year. :) (At least there is only one baby inside, I was having some crazy dreams about twins and triplets, Yikes!!!!!)

09 September 2011

Our Ongoing Bucket List :))

An ongoing list that I've kept and added to since I was young, now it's time to combine ours together. <3
Done:  :)
Lincoln & Omaha- NE-1991
Travel on a train- 1991
New Kids on the Block in Concert- 1992
Learn to ride a dirt bike- 1992 to present
Learn how to play pool- Started with a pool table in the garage when I was young, learned how to even more working at a hotel with a bar under it in 2007-2008
Start a Collection- From when I was young-present: coins & paper money. 2007-present: antique books
Fly in a Hot Air Balloon- 1994
Learn to play a musical instrument- Flute & Hawaiian Flute- 1996
Catalina Island- 1997
Disneyland- Too many times to recall dates :P
Universal Studios- Same as above
Knott's Berry Farm- Same as above
Sea World San Diego- Same as above
Las Vegas- Same as above
Pan for gold- Same as above
Watch the sunset at the beach west coast- Same as above
Go ice skating- Same as above
Go skiing- Same as above
Write poetry- 1998-present (printed in 2000)
Cliff Dive- Summer 1998
See Third Eye Blind in concert-  Summer 1998
Yosemite National Park- Summer of 1998
White Sox Game and meet Frank Thomas- Summer 1998
Swim under a waterfall- Summer 1998
Ride Jetskis/Seadoos- Summers 1998-2010
Laughlin, NV- Summer 1999
Chicago Sears Tower- Summer 1999
Learn how to Swing Dance- 1999
Seattle Washington- Summer 2000
Fly a plane- 2000
Ride in an AAV- Summer 2000
Climbed through hundred year old gold mines- CA 2000
Race on a straight away over 100mph- 2001 (won) ;P
Fly in a B-25- Summer 2001
Drive a speed boat at top speed- 2002
Get a tattoo- 2002 & 2010
Sit in an old graveyard past midnight- 2002
Serve in the military- 2002
Indiana- New Years 2003
Go to OZZ Fest- July 2003
Ensenada Mexico Catalina Island Cruise- October 2003
Go inside a working gold mine- 2004
Have a child- September 15, 2004
Knott's Scary Farm- October 2004
Learn to Snowboard- 2005
See a Professional Football Game- Broncos vs Patriots- January 2006
Denver Zoo- June 2006
Sacramento Zoo- 2006
Cheyenne, WY- Feb 2006
Cocoa Beach Florida- Winter 2006
Sea World Orlando- Summer 2007
Abilene, TX- April 2008
Create a family tree- 2008 to present
Fort Macon, NC- 2008-2011
Wilmington, NC & Battleship NC- 2008
Myrtle Beach, SC- 2008-2010
Drive from one side of the country to the other- 2003 & 2008
Disney World- Summer 2009
Washington D.C.- November 2009- April 2010-May 2011
Paris, TN- Dec 2009
Philadelphia, PA- April 2010
Shackleford Banks and see the Wild Horses- April 2010
Buy a home- May 2010
Own a German Shepherd (2)- 2010
Own a 67 Chevelle- July 2010
Ride Seadoo in the ocean- July 2010
Go on a Dinner Cruise- Wilmington NC- November 2010
Visit New York City- Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, Macy's/NYC Black Friday Sale,  Mimosas in Time Square, M&M Store, King Tuts Exhibition, Top of the Empire State Building, China Town, FAO Schwatz dance on The Big Piano, Museum of Sex, Ride on a subway (and saw a huge rat)- November 2010
Eat "not so 'normal' food"- Continuous
Jamestown, VA- April 2011
Williamsburg, VA- April 2011
Arlington National Cemetery- D.C.- May 2011
Tour the Pentagon- D.C.- May 2011
Start my own blog- August 2011
Biltmore Estate, Asheville, NC- Sept. 2011
Sliding Rock, NC- Sept. 2011
Looking Glass Falls, NC- Sept 2011

States Traveled to & Through- CA, AZ, WA, NM, NV, TX, WA, UT, WY, KS, MO, IL, NE, WI, IN, KY, AR, LA, MS, AL, GA, FL, SC, NC, VA, MD, PA, DE, NJ, NY

Still to do:
Redwood National Park-CA
Golden Gate Bridge/ San Fransisco- CA
Travel highway 1 from So Cal to Washington
Visit Alcatraz- San Fransisco Bay, CA
See the Steeler's play in Pittsburgh, PA
Valley Forge National Historical Park-PA
Eastern State Penitentiary- Philadelphia, PA
The Inn at Crier in the Country, Glen Mills, PA
Eerie, PA and visit ancestors graves and historical locations
Gettysburg National Military Park- PA
Hershey, PA and the Hershey's Factory
Top of the Washington Monument- D.C.
Tour inside the White House- D.C.
Watch the fireworks on Independence Day over the US Capital- D.C.
Visit the new Twin Tower Memorial- NYC
Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island Immigration Museum, NYC
National Baseball Hall of Fame, Cooperstown NY
Museum of Modern Art- See the original Starry Night by Van Gogh- NYC
Walk through and by carriage- Central Park-NYC
Ice Skating in Central Park- NYC
Visit Niagara Falls, NY & Canada
Norfolk, VA
Virginia Beach, VA
Great Smoky Mountains National Park, NC
Scuba Dive the graveyard of the Atlantic- Hatteras NC
Baths NC's first town 1705- Belhaven Museum
Somerset Place, NC
Visit the Wright Brothers Memorial/Kitty Hawk NC- Windsurf the sand dunes
The Gardens of Tyron Palace- New Bern NC
Cape Lookout- Harker's Island
Ocracoke Island Lighthouse
Cape Hatteras-1802 Tallest Lighthouse- 257 steps eastern most point of US.
Fort Raleigh the lost colony Roanoke Island, Dare County, NC
Four Corners Monument- UT, AZ, CO, NM
Pearl Harbor- HI
The Alamo- TX
Grand Canyon- AZ
Petrified Forest National Park- AZ
Yellowstone National Park- WY
Crater of the Moon, ID
Mt Rushmore, SD
Hot Springs National Park, AR
Monticello- VA
Watch our children graduate from high school and college
Save $ for early retirement
Start My Own Business
Learn how to speak a foreign language
Learn how to play the piano, violin & guitar
Sky Dive
Go ghost hunting
Get Diving Certification
Sail the ocean
Cut down our own Christmas tree
Write a novel
Horseback Riding on the Beach
Send a message in a bottle
Create a time capsule
Rock climb
Watch the sunrise @ the beach east coast
Learn to surf
Start A Charity
Learn how to knit
Go hunting
Make my own wine
Go one a safari & jungle cruise
Dominican Republic
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