I am a Mom to Angel Babies

Today is a day to remember those that are no longer with us or those that were not able to ever make it into our loving arms.October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
I am the mother of 3 Angel Babies. Jan. 2009 I had a feeling I that I might have been pregnant and told my partner at the time, but the next day I ended up starting which was a week late for me. It wasn't until I started cramping and bleeding more so than I normally did that I went to the doctors about it. He told me that I had been with child but the the HCG levels were way too low now and that my little angel would just have to "pass".... I never told my then long term partner about it and I know that it ate away at me for the months to follow and caused problems that I just couldn't face. He knew that two months earlier I had been told that I might not be able to conceive and that if I did it could cause medical complication for myself and even death.  Nov. 2009, the day after Thanksgiving I went upstairs and took a test, there it was, positive. Excitement hit the house only to have sadness hit days later when I woke up pain with the baby no longer there... May 2011, I was feeling extremely tired and was away in CO for training for work. After classes I found myself in bed for hours on end and just contributed it to the change in altitude. When I made it back home I realized I had not started. I was so swept up with work that it didn't even occur to me that it might be a possibility, even though we were "trying" I didn't want to get my hopes up. Sure enough the test showed positive... A week and a half later the pain started while I was teaching a class and during break I excused myself from questions to the ladies room. There was the proof that our baby was not staying with us.... I cried, pulled myself together, finished the class, called my husband and he picked me up and took me to the doctors... 

We decided after that to not try again until the following year.... 3 months later we were surprised with a positive test, refused to get our hopes up, told no one for weeks... We both did not want to get the families hopes up yet again until it was weeks past when the other miscarriages took place. 9 months later we were blessed with our perfect little boy.

I do often wonder what life would be like had any of the 3 angels made their way into the world, but we are so blessed to have the family we do have now. I know they are safe and eventually I will meet them. Until then, I know they are watching over their brothers, blessing us with a stronger family as each day passes.