10 July 2012

Changes Are Not Always Easy.....

For the past month and a half there was something missing inside of me.... A bit of depression hit me. Some days were good while others were beyond foul... My husband could see it and feel it. Even when I'd say I was alright, just tired, he's pry to the point that I would either close up completely or break down and let it all out. I'm still not use to being a stay at home mom. Not use to not having a paying job. Not use to being unable to interact on a daily basis with other adults. My life has made a complete 180. Changes have occurred and I am not one that handles such dramatic changes well. My husband started blaming himself for pushing for me to stay home and raise our oldest son and newborn son. I have expressed countless times that it is not his "fault". I am a grown woman, who is more than capable of making my own decisions. I prepared our family financially for the transition of me no longer working, but I never prepared myself mentally and emotionally for it. The transition has been rough for me. I honestly felt exhausted, sad, overwhelmed, bored, and aggravated. It was wonderful to go home to Cali for a month after not having been home in 2 1/2 years. I didn't want to leave but at the same time I missed my husband tremendously. Then when we returned home it all hit me, I no longer have the high stress life of a working mother.... I didn't know what to do with myself. Over half a dozen books had been read in only a month, when normally it would take me months to have the time to read through two. I have signed up to volunteer for a couple events that my husband's unit is putting on next month, I dove head first into a beachbody workout and the shakeology that goes along with it. Thank God for my friend back home hosting a 30 day competition, it helps keep me motivated and I look forward to seeing the "after" pictures and results when it is all over and continuing on with more difficult programs after. She has requested for me to become a beachbody coach with her. I'm wanting to do so but want to become more fit first and able to show the results from sticking to the program.

My oldest has been spending time with his dad in Maryland for the past week and will be back home this weekend. We have many activities planned with him and his friends that I know will keep me busy until he returns to school at the end of August. My spirits lifted a bit with the thoughts of all we will be able to do that would not have been possible with me working a full time job. My spirits lifted the most when I saw our 3 month old roll himself over for the first time and then days later continuously roll himself over. (No more belly time!!! LOL). Had I been working I would have missed out on this sight and would have been told by his caretaker instead. Every little/big milestone accomplished by him warms my heart, just as it did with my oldest. I know it is only going to be a few years (maybe longer if we have another one) that I will be a SAHM, and I know how quickly time passes by.... It still seems like it was only yesterday that I was bringing my soon be 8yr old home... My new life and position as a SAHM has finally become a positive presence in all aspects of my life. I'm finally looking forward to all that will be instead of dwelling on the high stress life of a working mother that I once had.
My handsome boy

My sweet 3 month old

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully put! I can totally relate to you. Over two and half years ago we decided for me to stay home and raise our kids but mine are 13 and 6 years old. For so many years I was so use to that fast pace, stressful corporate job full of adults. Oh how I missed it so much. Blogging as helped connect with others but it's not a 'in person' connection. I'm not getting dressed up with makeup, getting out of the house and earning a paycheck. Granted I have become a full-time student since staying home but those interacts with 'adults' were only temporary with each passing semester. Plus most of the time they were so much younger than myself (thirty-something here!). I think it's great that you are on a journey doing the beachbody, getting fit and healthy. It sounds like you've also started to acclimate being a stay-at-home mommy too. We blogger mamas have to stick together!

    xo,

    Allison

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